The Barbershop Review




The third issue in Uuh! Magazine’s flagship “Barbershop Review” sees Patrick Cremona review Edinburgh establishment, “The Gentleman’s Barber’s”


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More eagle eyed barbershop enthusiasts may note with intrigue that the “Gentleman’s Barber’s” is in fact in very close proximity to “Bus Stop Barber’s” - the last barbershop which was reviewed in this publication. We therefore acknowledge that there is some risk this article will kick-start a bitter rivalry between the two establishments, perhaps becoming known as “The Old Perm” or something similar. Regardless, here’s how the criteria were marked:


Banter: On the whole, this was rather a business like encounter, nonetheless peppered with a few mild attempts at humour. A wilder, more ‘banterful’ side was hinted at when the barber mentioned plans to walk into Edinburgh’s local Scientology Church for a laugh – remarking that she’d probably “come back as a Stepford wife”


(Score: 5/10)


Awkwardness – Perhaps it’s just me, but I find there’s something inherently awkward about paying a stranger to remove protein filament from your head whilst being left to stare at your reflection in a mirror and engage in forced conversation. That said, I've certainly experienced more awkward hair cuts than this one.


(Score: 6/10)


In Shop Entertainment – There are few songs a man is less willing to hear when strapped to a chair at the mercy of a person wielding a sharp object, than Stealers Wheel’s “Stuck in the Middle With You” - reminding one, as it does, of that infamous scene in Reservoir Dogs.


Ironically, I found myself wishing my own ears would be cut off given some of the other music I was forced to endure, not to mention wishing my eyes would be gouged out whilst I had earlier been browsing the selection of newspapers on offer. (Being forced to choose between The Sun and The Daily Record is hardly a desirable position in which to find oneself.) Frankly one longs for the days when barbershop entertainment was provided by four-piece acapella groups dressed in brightly coloured pin-striped suits and straw hats.


(Score: 2/10)


Genuine Insight(s) offered – The barber did offer a few hair-related tips, but most were uttered in barbershop jargon well beyond my understanding. She also reassured me that the liquid she was spraying over my hair was “just water,” which came as something of a relief.


(Score: 4/10)


End-product – The act of cutting my hair has often been compared to that of trimming a small shrub, and as such I think it only fitting that I judge the end-product in gardener’s terms rather than barber’s terms. Whilst lacking the flair of Alan Titchmarsh, the job was performed professionally, removing the unwanted weeds and leaving an altogether much smoother lawn.


(Score: 7/10)


Price – Alas, this was the first haircut I had received since the expiry of my student card, and as such I was forced to stump up a whole £1 extra. Although this was not a fault of the barbers per se, such is my bitterness regarding the situation that I’m going to mark them down heavily for it anyway.


(Score: 3/10)


Overall: A solid experience, but nothing to write home about. The precise point in this review, then, is rather unclear.

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